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Born to be King or Queen
Well didn’t that cause a media kerfuffle? No sooner had the
ink dried on Lord Justice Leveson’s pen to give the British press a kick in the
rear when all hell breaks loose as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced
that Kate is expecting. No doubt as the new year wears on there will be many
more scramblings and in summer expect carnage as the race is on for the first
picture of the newborn.
Cameramen and reporters were almost killed in the media
scrum to take up pole position outside King Edward VII hospital where the
Duchess had been admitted with morning sickness in the early stages of her
pregnancy. Why do they do it? All they are going to see is a hospital door for
goodness sake. Kate’s hardly likely to come tripping down in her nightie to
pose for pictures in between retching, is she?
Some of the words which come out of media mouths on such
occasions can make you equally sick. Charged with filling three minutes on the
main news they come out with all manner of tripe. Under new laws, even if this
baby is a girl, it will be third in line of succession to the throne. Bearing
in mind the longevity of the Royal Family I reckon she could be around 87
before she comes to the throne and I certainly don’t think I’ll be at the
street party to celebrate.
One conversation between media types discussed what would
happen if she had twins. Eventually the concensus was that the first child to
emerge would be third in line to the throne. Fascinating, they go to college
for this you know.
It’s been over 2,000 years since we had such fervour over an
impending birth, and look at the trouble that caused. Every guest house was
closed and the poor beggar ended up in a stable jostling for position with cows,
sheep, singing shepherds, camels, a donkey and a confused surrogate father who
claimed he hadn’t done anything to Mary anyway! (Oh dear, there will be
letters).
Joking apart, good luck to the Royal couple, they were one
of the few bright spots in the year 2012 and let’s hope the chastised media
minds its manners with them and their future family as we go into 2013.
Twittering Pope
I could of course make some very irreverent remark about the
fact that the Pope has opened a Twitter account. But he’s got something going
for him for he picked up over 300,000 followers in the first 24 hours of
tweeting putting Stephen Fry and others in the shade.
I have a sneaking admiration for any 85-year-old who takes
up social media but note that he has a new media department who will doubtless
be handling his tweets before publication. It remains to be seen if
congregations dwindle in the light of this innovation or whether many turn over
in bed on Sunday morning and reach for their lap top!
When Irish eyes are smiling!
We recently rented out a property after receiving quite a
bit of Internet interest but it was the last enquiry which made me chuckle. It
said simply by text, “Would you consider renting to an Irish escort?”
I didn’t reply and the following day received another text
with a link to the escort’s web site. Checking, as you do, I was staggered at
the rates she was charging, £170 an hour….she could certainly have paid the
rent!
Dogs in the driving seat
Given that they have usually four perfectly good legs why
would you want to teach a dog to drive?
A New Zealand animal charity is doing just that because it
reckons that owners will be more encouraged to adopt them if they show signs of
increased intelligence.
Right then. I’ll admit it’s handy if you’re out to a party
and don’t want to drive. Instead of your wife you could take the dog to drive
you home but if the police stop you don’t count on being home before morning,
they will have questions.
The charity put Porter, Mont and Ginny behind the wheel of
an adapted Mini Cooper and after just eight weeks are reported to have put it
in gear, accelerate and steer, something which is beyond many humans after they
have passed their test!
So far the dogs have been driving with the help of an
assistant inside the car but the next move is to let them try solo, on live
television. Simon Cowell wait for this. According to an instructor, they will
hop in, start the car, put it in gear and use the accelerator. Thankfully this
is being done on an off-road track but the charity has visions of carrying it
further.
When I see a Jack Russell driving a Mini Cooper down the
motorway I will know it’s time to hand in my licence.
Coffin therapy
Next time you fancy a lie down try a little coffin therapy!
A Ukrainian man is encouraging people to lie down for 15 minutes in one of his
coffins to “prepare for the afterlife”. Now why would I want to do that?
The coffin maker has been in business for ten years and says
the feeling is just like being in a bed. It’s the same sheets and pillows with
its own special aura. You can choose from one of ten coffins in a special room
with birdsong, falling water and he says you go home in a completely different
mood.
Err, no thanks
Is your man a pig?
A US company has created a gift for the man who has
everything - bacon flavoured shaving cream.
J&D's new product is described as "high end,
luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream" and is on sale for about £9.
Inventor Justin Esch said: "There is nothing more
powerful than the smell of bacon, nothing. Bacon is the smell of champions.
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and
bacon is the best part of breakfast. Why not smell like it and be the
best?"
The self-titled "bacontrepreneur" has also come up
with other pork inspired products such as bacon roses, bacon lip balm and bacon
baby formula.
And, for those "who love bacon to death", he has
created a £2,000 bacon-wrapped coffin.
Mr Esch added: "Bacon is delicious, people get excited
when they smell it. When you walk into a room don't you want people to be
excited to see you?"
I told you they weren’t all locked up.
Little lit up donkey!
Hundreds of donkeys are to be fitted with glow-in-the-dark
ear tags in Botswana to stop accidents on rural roads at night.
About 500 of the animals will be fitted with the reflective
tags in the north of the country where one in ten crashes is donkey-related.
I think it’s a wonderful idea and also recommend the tags
for those barmy joggers who tear around in pitch blackness.
The UK-based Society For The Protection Of Animals Abroad is
paying for the Maun Animal Welfare Society, in Botswana, to carry out the
project.
Laura Higham, outreach veterinary advisor for SPANA, said:
"The people that own working donkeys are some of the very poorest in
Botswana's society and often have no choice other than to let their animals
roam freely in search of food in the sparse desert environment.
"This practice is essential, but obviously makes the
donkeys vulnerable to accidents and we hope that this simple solution will help
reduce the number of collisions caused by the animals every year."
The charities hope the project will be adopted in other
parts of the country, and will be the first step towards making reflective tags
a legal requirement for freely roaming livestock.
Isn’t science wonderful?
